December Begins, School Ends

I'm currently watching the anime Lupin the Third. I've been told that it's a horrible anime, but it's the only one I've ever watched. Back in my early high school days, I believe it was on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim. Yes, bad taste is apparently my nature, according to some people. I call it being eclectic.

Finals are upon me at school. I have finished my online class, ending with a C. That works. My fourth and last essay for English class is due tomorrow. As usual, I don't think I did very well. However, the lowest grade I have gotten for an essay is a 90%. Maybe I'll get lucky again.

My favorite cuisine, Mongolian bbq, used to be a rare thing for me, since there isn't a local restaurant that serves it. But a couple weeks ago I tried making it here at home, and it turned out quite well, so it's more of a regular thing now. Stir fry noodles, bell peppers, onions, oyster sauce, teriyaki sauce, baby corn, scallions, chicken... Yum. And easy to make.

Christmas is less than a month away. We haven't done anything yet, other than talk about what to get our little one. I guess our Christmas tree will only be up a few days right around the 25th since he'll likely be knocking it over repeatedly.

Yesterday was the last day of November and the first day of snow for around here. It was quite cold, but the snow was very minute, and it didn't stick. I don't mean to sound disappointed. Snow around here can be kinda treacherous, at least when it comes to travel. There's still plenty of winter for the accidents and panicked drivers to thrive.

That is all.

Red

This past weekend, I was supposed to go camping with some people. Those plans got canceled at the last minute, so instead I went to Springfield, ate, saw a movie, and went to a club of sorts that I had never been to.

The movie I saw was Red. (Retired, Extremely Dangerous.) It was awesome. Bruce Willis washis usual suave self, Helen Mirren was great as a trigger-happy ex-CIA agent, and John Malkovich probably had the best part. He was absolutely insane. Hilariously insane, though. Completely paranoid, carrying around a pink stuffed pig, which was later revealed to be hiding a rather large gun. It's something that I must immediately buy as soon as it comes out on dvd.

The previews before the movie looked good. Although I can only remember 2 of them. One is Unstoppable, with Denzel Washington and Chris Pine (Kirk from the new Star Trek) and is about a train. The other was one I had seen before, The Green Hornet. I can't tell if it's going to be any good or not. But it bugs me that I can't remember the other previewed movies.

Oh! And I got to see Conan O'Brien's new commercial on the movie screen! The one where he drives an explosives-packed car over a cliff. I had seen it before, on youtube, but nothing compares to seeing it on the movie screen.

Adieu.

Hare

I think that I have stopped kidding myself that I'm an artist. I may have had a few noteworthy works in my high school days, but not anymore. I try too hard, therefore the results are crap. And sometimes I wait for inspiration to come, and it never arrives.

Mid-term has come and gone. My grades were satisfactory. I guess the hours upon hours of homework and stress paid off. My reward to myself, since there was no interest in celebration, was a couple of hard ciders and a movie at home.

You would think that when your grandmother tells you how proud she is of you for the profession you're training for, you would feel good about yourself. Instead, pessimistic me, I only feel the dread of failure and disappointment when I do something to screw it up. The more pride people have in you, the greater their disappointment.

My Halloween costume sits beside my bed in a heap. I had been looking forward to getting ahold of that particular costume for some time, and now that I have it, I can't help but wonder if I'll have a reason to wear it.

Still Here

Tomorrow begins week 7 of school. I've made it this far. Barely. I have been behind in my Psychology class, which is Human Relations in the Workplace. It's open learning, so it's at my own pace, which is obviously problematic. My own pace is slooow when I have 3 other classes. And next month, October, will be a busy one. A camping trip, a wedding, Halloween... I should be kicking into overdrive to get ahead, but motivation is nowhere to be found.

My computers class is frustrating. The class is 2 days a week. The first day is lectures, and the second is labs and assignments. Yet, none of the labs and assignments have anything to do with the lectures. Then the other day I left my flash drive plugged into the computer I use. It's most likely long gone.

In English class, we had a 100-point, 800-word narrative essay due about a week ago. Right after we handed them in, we started getting lectured on how to do an informative essay. Which will need to be 1,000 words. Oi.

Ah, I mentioned Halloween a bit ago. I bought my costume the other day. Mrs Freddy Krueger. I love it. The hat is rather large, but oh well. My kid's costume is a basic one, nothing special, because it was pretty much the only thing in his size. However, it does suit him.

New Skool

My college days have finally begun. After 5 years of being out of high school. Today was my second day of "classes" and I have tomorrow off. The quotation marks are from my only Monday class, a psychology class, being Open Learning. Meaning, at my own pace, and only seeing the instructor to ask questions. Which, is kind of odd... Human Relations in the Workplace... not taken around people. Hmm.

My online class, medical terminology, seems to be the only one pertaining to what I'm actually going for. And it also happens to be the one I'm currently unprepared for because I didn't receive the textbook(s) needed. A problem that I hope to fix tomorrow.

I held my fear, skepticism, and pessimism at bay for as long as I could. About a day and a half. So now, I'm terrified that I'm not going to cut it. I wasn't expecting computers to be such a contributing factor. And I seem to feel more comfortable in the classrooms. For now, anyway. Maybe that'll change over time.

That's a partial explanation of the downside. The upside is, it's nice having more structure to my day. Get up, take child to the sitter, go to class. Leave, pick child up, go home, make supper, do homework. A couple days, I have about an hour and 45 minutes in between 2 classes. Today I went home for a quick lunch and checked my student account since it had just been activated, but in the future I may go to the gym or exercise room to pass the time. Something I've considered for my spare time since I registered. Take my ipod, get on a bike or stairmaster or treadmill... I wonder if they still make those NordicTrack ski things...

Ta.

Motivation, Such An Aggravation

Hate when I really want to let loose blog-wise, but have nothing to talk about. Same happens with art. I loved art class in high school, the teacher gives you an assignment, whether it be chalk, clay, papier-mâché... Anyway, she would narrow it down, while at the same time giving you options. Such as, she says; we're doing a chalk portrait of a person. You get to choose your subject. I seemed to have the most success with those, because those are what won me art fair ribbons. And now, I just know that I want to create something, I want to be hard at work at what I'm doing... but I guess the motivation is lacking.

Apparently I left my ipod cord at my mom's last time I was there. Which is frustrating. I have acquired music, and then discovered I have no way of transferring it to my ipod. I knew I should've bought a spare one.

I hope to start classes at a community college soon. I know that I should have as soon as I got out of high school, but I had no idea of what to go for at the time. Well, I did, but for me to be successful, it would have required me to go to New York or Los Angeles. Shyeah, like that would have worked out.

And yes, my blog title does consist of song lyrics.

Me thinks mine motivation is spent on keeping the apartment semi-clean, meaning cleaning up after mine child, whom is constantly into everything, and his father, whom is severely lacking in the organizational area. But alas, I have told meself to complain not in this blog entry.

Listening to Dream by the Cranberries, which I know was in The Next Karate Kid (one of my favorites as a kid... Hilary Swank and Michael Ironside... nuff said) but was also in a commercial a while back... but can't remember which. I shall attempt to find out.

Another Trip Around The Sun

I just got back from a journey to Phoenix, Arizona. Eric's dad died a while back and we had to go take care of the estate. We left Monday and got to my mom's this morning around 4. Drove from Albuquerque, NM to her place, straight through, I think 16 hours worth of driving. That's quite a bit.

Along with being our day of return, it is also my birthday (and mother's day). In the few weeks leading up to it, I kept waiting for plans to be made (I'm not really one to make my own birthday plans), hoping someone would maybe express interest in having a fun-filled evening, going out. I don't know why it bothers me that nothing was ever offered, since the trip would have interfered anyway, in the end. I guess that compared to my last few birthdays, this one was very bland and uneventful, and didn't turn out the way I wanted it.

It was nice seeing the western U.S... Got several pictures. On the way to Phoenix, I was completely captivated by the scenery. But leaving Phoenix, I just didn't seem to care. I think we just wanted to get home. We missed our child. If we had more time and money, we would have explored Route 66, seen the grand canyon, visit Roswell NM, maybe spend a day in San Diego... So many things we would have liked to do. Oh well.

Employment Hiatus

Big news. I quit my job. Had enough with being told to do 3 different things, things I already knew I needed to do, just hadn't gotten to them yet, and then 10 minutes later being asked why I didn't have them done, then get told to do 3 other things. Every ten minutes. And then I'd get in trouble because I didn't have my work done to their satisfaction. Well, if you idiots hadn't interrupted me every time I started getting into my task, maybe a bit more would be accomplished.

There was so much I wanted to say to them, so many objects (mostly ones with sharp edges) I wanted to tell them to stick into certain orifices... But I didn't.

So, job hunting shall commence. Not one of my strong suits. Eric has moved back in with me, and we're back together (not just because I'm unemployed), so there's at least some income still present.

Hmm. Guess that's it for now. I'm required to watch Star Wars.

Reunited, And It... You Know The Rest

I have my laptop back and fixed! Drinks all around! Oh that's right, you have to be at a bar or party for that to happen. My bad.

But, how I have missed you, my technological friend.

Watching Dumb & Dumber. Why? you ask. I don't know. Wanted a funny Jim Carrey movie, didn't have Liar Liar. But Dumb & Dumber isn't funny, it's stupid, you say. Sometimes stupid stuff makes me laugh, I reply.

Oh my awesome, magnificent, glorious music is back. God how I missed you. Stereophonics, Muse, Tom McRae, Rubyhorse... You complete me.

Someone I deleted from my facebook has re-requested to be friends! Someone actually noticed there was no longer a connection between us. And made the attempt to reconnect. Good for her. She made an effort to be my friend.

I'm not a high-maintenance person. I just refuse to feel like the effort I put into something (a job, a relationship, a task, etc) is worthless. Therefore I disconnect from what I feel isn't rewarding. I'm aware that I probably have high expectations in today's world, and my pessimistic self says the more expectations, the more disappointments. It seems to be a constant battle within myself. Optimism vs pessimism. And the latter is usually victorious.

Simulation

My internet use is currently limited. Viruses are mean. They have no feelings, no compassion. Although, I don't seem to be missing much. All the people I deleted, either haven't noticed or have no desire to attempt to reconnect. Therefore the website to which I'm addicted is no longer as interesting.

However I have found other means of keeping myself occupied. My original Sims game for PS2 no longer works, but my Sims: Bustin Out game does. So I've been playing that. My character is in the military career, and currently lives with a couple biochemists. I moved in with them when I moved out of a gym. It's odd. And (gee what a surprise!) the thing I have most difficult maintaining is relationships. My character is very anti-social.

My actual, non-Sims relationships are also screwy. I don't really talk to my best friend much anymore, and she has another friend she's been spending a lot of time with lately, which is great, because with me living an hour away, frequent visiting wasn't convenient. I'm glad she has someone to share things with, do things with, lean on, etc. Especially now that she's just become pregnant. Other relationships... well I could spend 50 lines or more about them, but I won't.

The local electric company is on my loathe list right now. They took the amount I owe from my bank account, the day it was due, then also took the check I sent them for that amount, when it arrived a few days later. Sooo I didn't have enough to cover both withdrawals and therefore my bank account was over $100 in the hole. With 3 or 4 other bills due. I'm hoping they'll credit it to my next payment and I'll have to pay pretty much nothing.

Oi. When will it end.

Radiation?

My ankle is still bothering me. I'd love to get an x-ray, just to know if it shows anything. What, I don't know. Hopefully an answer. The limping around and sudden shooting pains isn't quite unbearable yet, but it may become that way. I talked to the doc about about a while back, she said ice it, elevate it, use ace wrap. I have done none of those, mostly because I'm on my feet 90% of the time. (I'd make a bad prostitute.) I don't think there's any way for me to have the time to do those things. She said, if it's the same in a month, make an appointment. Well, it has been. Maybe I should request further action.

I did a purging of sorts the other day. I deleted my twitter account and removed connections from several of my friends on another socializing web page. Most of them I never saw on that site anymore, some I never socialized with. So really, what's the point of having them on your friends list? Besides, I rely WAY too much on the internet. I expect it to be there for me, I expect to be able to use it to entertain myself, to pass the time. Yet it's not reliable. Viruses, unpaid bills, problems at the internet company's source... A number of issues. At any minute, anything could go wrong with your internet connection.

The problem of the toys scattered about has been solved. While shopping for a tote, I realized I already had one at my disposal. Voila. Shopping is done, money is saved.

Unwanted

Two weeks, no word from Menards. Jerks. I tried not to, but I had hope when I applied. Always a mistake. When will I learn. Much like waiting for something you really want to happen or someone you really want to see. And... nothing. Yet something always makes you try again.

Had another dream about my book. I was the main character (kinda). This time, again it was near then end, where people were going to die. This time, somehow the survivors were chosen, and those who were not given a letter (as in written or typed, not an actual piece of the alphabet), didn't survive. It was weird. But, I lived! Which is actually a surprise to me. I would have assumed that, given my general state of mind, it would have been the opposite.

In about a week and a half, there will be at least 10 people in my tiny apartment, for someone's 1st birthday. This'll be fun, sure. I keep telling myself this. Then looking around at the amount of space I don't have, and the plenty of places to sit that I also don't have. And the boxed stuff that has no other place to go.

He's trying to pull himself up from his knees (holding onto my laptop) at the moment. I'm sitting on the couch. Still a feat to overcome. He's getting there, just slowly. I think his latest was going from crawling to sitting. Oh, and he was fussing on the kitchen floor behind me as I was doing dishes the other day. Suddenly he kinda quiets down, then I hear him laugh. I turn around to see that he has pulled his diaper off and it holding it up in the air. Punk.

And another attempt from the knees -- never mind. Crash.

Swollen Dreams

My friend of questionable sex visited my place of employment again the other day. Just as friendly as the first time, but alas, no gold star. That's okay.

Do you ever have a dream about the book you're reading? I did. I'm currently reading Stephen King's Under The Dome, and I know from a bit of reading up that several people eventually die from suffocation, before the dome is lifted. So in my dream, I'm getting as far away from town as possible, away from the car exhausts and other breathers, and so on... And eventually other people join me saying "ah, thinking ahead, eh?" (Yes, I have dreams with Canadian accents.) So I guess I'm quite wise, at least in the dream world.

My ankle has been swollen and has required a support brace for over a month now. Anndd I still haven't felt the need to request to be seen by a doctor. Maybe once it gets tweaked just far enough to require someone helping me to get where I need to be, then I'll consider placing a call. Til then, I scoff at md's.

Today I worked 10a-2p. Right after, I drove across the street to the new Menards store (which isn't open yet) to attempt to get hired full-time. Parking lot was full, I get in the door and people are standing virtually shoulder-to-shoulder. I fill out a mini-application, giving the basics, turn it in, and wait. They're calling people maybe 6 at a time, and I hear that some had been there since 10. It was now 3. I stand for an hour, then go sit on a register belt. My ankle throbs, which I fix by sitting on it. (Numbness, the quick fix.) Around 5:30 I think to myself, ok, one more round of names called, then I'm leaving. Lo and behold, my name is called. Last name pronounced incorrectly, as expected. Sigh. But maybe this is a sign. Soo after waiting 3 and a half hours, I have a 5 minute interview. Do I have any experience with home furnishing? Uhh... "Have you painted?" Yes! I have! "Ok..." I've also assembled a crib and a rocker. "Yeah that's not easy, I know" (he says) and I say to myself I know, that's why I didn't do it... ANYway... I should 'expect a call within a couple weeks.' Sure.