A Digressive Sip

Mmm... My first cocktail (actually, this one's my second) in over a week. I'm risking being violently ill due to an interaction, but as a horny couple who forgot their birth control says, "risk it? risk it." And then, after that first sip and shudder of satisfaction, "worth it" is uttered.

It only got bad when I knew others were able to enjoy a beverage themselves. I think "hey, that sounds good. When I get home, I'll... oh right. Do nothing." The reason I was unable is because of the antibiotics I was on. I swear this pill bottle had three different stickers on it that said "Don't Drink, Bitch." The doc that prescribed them and the pharmacist both said NO drinking. While taking the medication and then for another two days after. My last dose was yesterday. Close enough.

I'd enter the "I'm not an alcoholic" argument here, but it bores me. You just have to believe I'm not. Enjoying liquor doesn't equal alcoholism.

So my crazy ER doc and I are kinda buds now. He amuses me, and I seem to do the same for him. There are only a few comments shared here and there, but they make my night a bit better. Just having someone that acknowledges my presence... doesn't treat me like someone that... well... cleans up after them.

This week is Thanksgiving. Please find something to be thankful for. There's always something. Sometimes the despair or unhappiness you may be feeling may cloud your thoughts and douse what you usually see as your beacon of perseverance, but whatever you saw hasn't changed. You have. So change again, and take solace in it once more.

I think I'll end with that rather long-winded component. I'll re-read it later and think "where did that come from?"

Cúram a ghlacadh.

Better, Stronger, Faster Fortunate Gourds

Goodbye October. You are a favorite month of mine. I apologize for not doing the tradition that takes place in your duration, but there is a pumpkin or two out there thanking their lucky seeds that they're not being massacred. I really meant to (as a semi-artist, I enjoy thinking up a design and making art out of a large vegetable) but one, I couldn't find the time and two, once I did, I saw that pumpkins are rather pricey this year.

Recently upgraded our vehicle. I feel weird, because according to some guy at the dealership, we were the first to get this new vehicle. Gives me a sense of isolation that ours is the only one of it's kind being driven around town. Anyway, I don't really care for the shape of it (half car, half SUV?) but I love the new features. When asked what I wanted that wasn't in the old car, I immediately said "cruise control!" and now I have it. It's a blessed thing. Also, when we'd go on road trips, there was only one plug-in, and we had 2 phones, an ipod, and a gps to charge. In this upgrade, there are two plug-ins AND a usb port. Win times three. There is satellite radio, which is complimentary for 60 or 90 days (I'm taking advantage of that) and there's Bluetooth, so I can link my phone to my car and talk hands-free. Also, voice command. So much more tech-y stuff than I'm used to. It's fantastic.

Half of my weekend off has been taken away from me. In all honesty, for a legitimate reason. I just hate that I have to wait another two weeks to have a true work-free weekend. But! I have plans for those particular two days.

Looking back, I wonder how I made it through never having weekends off. I don't think I could do it again.

Aloud Not Allowed

There are certain songs that hold memories I can re-tap into. I'm currently listening to one, and feeling the same way I felt when I unknowingly created the memory with it; excited, happy, adventurous. I'm seeing what I saw while listening to this song... years ago. It's great.

My first weekend back to work was a pretty good one. I had probably the shortest schedule out of everyone, so was able to take my time, still get done early, and find other things to do at my leisure. I understand how people like to stay busy through their entire workday, so time goes by faster, but I prefer a more slow-moving shift. No pressure, the ability to adjust to unexpected happenings... Nice and relaxed.

Had a terrible dream the other day. It had me messed up for a few days. I may have appeared grouchy or unsociable, but in truth I was just really brought down by my too vivid, and long, nightmare.

An art exhibit should be in my near-ish future. I've been really wanting to get back into art, especially since this new business is starting, and maybe seeing an exhibit would get my wheels turning and encourage me to dive back in. Now, what to go see... Hmm.

Recapped Changes

Mawage - done. Honeymoon - done. Vacation - over. Next: my younger sister's wedding next month. Then, the holidays. I work Thanksgiving and am off Christmas. Which means... actually, looking at the calendar, I should have the night before off as well. Lots of hoping and finger crossing. If I am to work Christmas eve, and it's not considered a holiday, I'll be working til a couple hours into Christmas morning. Not something that is looked forward to.

The mawage went smoothly, other than a small wardrobe malfunction when my betrothed suddenly grabbed my hand and raised it in triumph. But I didn't let it bother me. I tried treating it like an "oops... moving on" incident. However, I recently copied a friend's pics and vids to my computer and discovered there is video evidence.

There were many comments on how awesome the ceremony and reception was, and we got several thank-you's and much praise, but honestly, he and I were but a fraction of the elements that made it so great. Most of it being everyone else; the wedding party, the outside help who were just as (or more) helpful and reliable, and of course the people that showed up to observe/participate. I've very glad that the feedback has all been positive.

I was asked by (I can say this now) my significant other a few days ago, what do I want for Christmas? I replied with "a new laptop." Because mine is circling the drain, and I don't mean around the rim. He was silent after my reply, and then said "so what do you want for Christmas?" I guess my first request was out of the question. So I asked for the first, second, sixth, and seventh seasons of Rescue Me, to complete my collection. The final season of Monk would be great too, to complete that series as well (and finally see the end of the show). But, as the vows stated, we are "for poor and even poorer" and must make do.

There's a song I've recently heard, loved, and acquired. Once, I played it and had tears flowing while listening, because of the images it projected. Very powerful.

Aladdin - the Disney cartoon - was on ABC Family tonight. I was bothered by their changing of lyrics (in the first minute of the movie, no less) and couldn't help but notice that those lyrics were just fine 20 years ago. (Good Lord, is it that old already? Talk about a slap in the face from reality.) I just didn't understand. I was only halfway listening to the movie, but automatically noticed the alteration, mostly because the voice that changed the lyrics was different. I hate that.

Go dti an chead uair eile.

Remedial Thongs

A countdown has begun. Less than a month. I'm excited about the vacation we finally get to take after, but my excitement seems to not be shared. My first real vacation since I can remember. My anxiousness is met by indifference. Oh well.

Had tonight off. Helped a bit with the setup of a business, re-arranged the downstairs of the apartment, then made dinner for a couple friends and their young'n. Which went over quite well, thankfully.

I'm listening to some random music tonight, hoping to lift my spirits. The Heavy, Gnarls Barkley, OK Go, Middle Class Rut, QOTSA... Not really in the mood to listen to Elbow. I don't think I'm burnt out, there's just something that made listening to them a great thing to experience, and now it's no longer significant. But, they will remain my favorite band.

Top Gear is still an enjoyment I can add to my day. I know that previously I babbled extensively about the third episode, with the moonshine & flying coupe de ville, but the fifth episode could quite possibly be even better. One thing that's great, haha, of course being a music person, is how they always have 80's-ish music when the camera's on the Fiero. And how they play the National Lampoon's Vacation theme when they show the station wagon.

They (again) have crappy cars, and one of their challenges is to stop midway up a hill, set their parking brake, grab a bowling ball, get back in & take off without their cars rolling away. Well, one of them fails, and ends up climbing out either their driver side door or window as it rolls sideways off the hill...colliding with my favorite guy's car. He says "what is wrong with you!?" and then gets ahold of the bowling ball and throws it at the first guy's car.

Hmm. I may re-watch it. Guaranteed laughs. Sounds remedial.

Out of nowhere, the other day I had "Goodbye Horses" in my head. Generally, that song is associated with perversity and a well-known actor in nothing but an open robe and a wig, standing with his legs crossed.

Doesn't stop me from singing it while in the presence of strangers.

Is there a thong in your heart?
Sorry. Random Whose Line quote.

One downside to being this close to the certain event, I haven't been able to do much outside home and work, because of needing to save money. I haven't been to a movie since May, over 3 months ago. Haven't really been out for drinks since then either. Not that I got many invites anyway.

I was told recently by someone that they were using my method of surviving a bad day. Which includes alcohol consumption and either a video game, favorite tv show, music, or writing. Or a mixture of those. But mostly the alcohol consumption. I almost said that my method has an ulterior motive - to bring about the end of the self hatred, frustration, and hatred of others sooner. While there are those I love and adore dearly, such as my son, his father, and select few others, that I would do anything for - whether it were within my power or not - I hate how I feel. I hate how I see people. And I hate myself for the way I feel. While it's up for grabs whether people in general deserve to be categorized as good or bad, and while I have witnessed occurrences that favor both sides, I seem to view them negatively. In my experience, there is more often someone there that disrupts your life more often than there's someone there to enhance it.

But, luckily, everyday I get to see two faces that make things bearable and put a damper on all the negativity that I seem to tote.

So yeah... Next time you think you're empathizing with someone, you may want to reconsider. There may be more to them and their actions than you know.

Coupe'd

My work night turned out to be crappy and miserable. Between having a cold - where you spend half the night sneezing and the other half feeling like you're gonna sneeze (bridge of your nose and around your eyes tingling and aching) - and being unable to take my half hour lunch break - at all - it quite sucked. Fatigue also played a part.

But! Home sweet home. Concocted a cocktail and re-watching an episode of the show I've started. The U.S. version of Top Gear. I've only seen 3 episodes, and I love it. This third episode, as I said, is worth re-watching. Hilarious. The moonshine episode. Definitely recommended.

I hope they keep this show going. It's really interesting - even to people who aren't car-savvy. The three guys who do it work really well together and make it hilarious.

"Is that your lack of confidence I hear? That is refreshing! I'd like another sip!"

"Pick a number between one and ten."
"Seven."
"Close. Eight. You go first.
"....That didn't sound fair."

"Should we tell him he already crossed the finish line?"
"Nah, let him go."

The Flying Coupe Deville. So incredibly great. And then playing taps for the car... hahaha.

Sorry. Get carried away sometimes.
But seriously... Check it out.

Tell Me, Who Are You

Likes: Tomatoes. Puzzles. Reading. Swimming. Truth.

Dislikes: Cream corn. Reality shows. Boredom. Liars.

I am a hypocrite, a sloucher, a nail biter, a drinker, and a procrastinator.

Also a musician, a working mother, and a companion.

And a friend, when I'm not used or lied to.

I have a mixture of cowardice and bravery. Cowardice when it involves my own feelings, bravery when it involves others.

I don't have the ability to accurately express myself, especially when I'm offended, angry, or hurt.

And the less people try to find out the cause of these feelings, especially when it's their fault, the more I see their feelings of indifference.

Simple things please me. Polite gestures. Kind words. Getaways, escapes, etc. Appreciation.

No point to this. Just bored writing, random thoughts. Thinking about the things the world sees so little of.