Low

At a low point. Disliking who I am, how I am, what I do.

I must be doing something wrong to be feeling this way. What scares me (and not a lot scares me) is not knowing what I'm doing wrong, therefore, being unable to fix it.

Being unable to avoid feeling both worthless and, at the same time, in the way. Being unable to see the positive and let little things go.

I want peace in my head instead of the calamity that constantly rages. And to look at myself and see contentment and peace in my face, in my eyes. Instead of seeing tension and unease.

I hate how one person can make the difference between a good night and a bad night, just whether or not they're around you. They clearly consider themself better than me, which I interpret by the glares and the way they look down their nose at me. I begin to think "well, you're not better" but then I remember that they're not the one cleaning up after everyone. I am. And so I have no choice but to deal and continue doing my job. And hate what I do.